Subtext for the slight in(s)anity that is to follow:
How can an inanimate object, an object so abstract and without dimension make me feel so BAD??
Yes, this blog guilts me OUT! Not a day goes by that I don't think to myself 'I must write something on my blog'. And then I promptly tuck, shelf, brush that thought away....
And then sometimes well meaning friends (you know who you are) casually mention my blog and the guilt rises again- I imagine it lying there- unloved, empty, neglected and forgotten. So I just need to get this off my chest.
Happy New Year. How have you been? It's been a while since we talked and I don't want you to think it's because I've forgotten you. I've just been avoiding you a little.
Blog- I know you still exist. In face I miss you. We had some great times and this time last year was amazing- exciting and fun. All my friends loved you too. And yes, stuff has happened recently that I should tell you- I went to Brazil- to a whole another continent- but the fact is , I can't be bothered to tell you about it. If it makes you feel better, I don't even care about the pictures (gasp!).
Something's changed between us. I just need some space from you right now, ok? Stop looking at me like that...
The thing is, there's something else that's on my mind now. And to tell you the truth I'd much rather shelve and push you away than this other thing.
Sure, you're easy and with you I can be myself. You never make my head hurt- but that's not enough, blog! Yes, you're more fun but the other thing is serious. When things aren't going right it makes my head hurt BAD. It offers me a future, something substantial. Don't you want that for me?
Maybe I can have it all- eventually... who knows? Maybe this letter is what it's going to take to make me realize how much I value you. But right now, tonight, I need to go where my head is telling me, blog.
Right now I have to write this dissertation/damned conference paper/long-abandoned paper for publication. Yes, there's more than one competitor for my attention. I'm sorry.
So.....I hope you understand if I appear distant. No hard feelings, ok?
I'll be seeing you around.