Dear blog letter

Subtext for the slight in(s)anity that is to follow:

How can an inanimate object, an object so abstract and without dimension make me feel so BAD??

Yes, this blog guilts me OUT! Not a day goes by that I don't think to myself 'I must write something on my blog'. And then I promptly tuck, shelf, brush that thought away....

And then sometimes well meaning friends (you know who you are) casually mention my blog and the guilt rises again- I imagine it lying there- unloved, empty, neglected and forgotten. So I just need to get this off my chest.

Dear Blog,

Happy New Year. How have you been? It's been a while since we talked and I don't want you to think it's because I've forgotten you. I've just been avoiding you a little.

Blog- I know you still exist. In face I miss you. We had some great times and this time last year was amazing- exciting and fun. All my friends loved you too. And yes, stuff has happened recently that I should tell you- I went to Brazil- to a whole another continent- but the fact is , I can't be bothered to tell you about it. If it makes you feel better, I don't even care about the pictures (gasp!).

Something's changed between us. I just need some space from you right now, ok? Stop looking at me like that...

The thing is, there's something else that's on my mind now. And to tell you the truth I'd much rather shelve and push you away than this other thing.

Sure, you're easy and with you I can be myself. You never make my head hurt- but that's not enough, blog! Yes, you're more fun but the other thing is serious. When things aren't going right it makes my head hurt BAD. It offers me a future, something substantial. Don't you want that for me?

Maybe I can have it all- eventually... who knows? Maybe this letter is what it's going to take to make me realize how much I value you. But right now, tonight, I need to go where my head is telling me, blog.

Right now I have to write this dissertation/damned conference paper/long-abandoned paper for publication. Yes, there's more than one competitor for my attention. I'm sorry.

So.....I hope you understand if I appear distant. No hard feelings, ok?

I'll be seeing you around.

yours,
lightlight

A song for you...

P.S. It is the middle of March and I have only posted thrice this month, the lowest since I began blogging. Normally you could safely chalk this down to my inherent laziness but this time I really have a reason.

Ahem...I am busy, my friends, and will only get busier from here on out...

(Sing this with me to the tune of 'raindrops on roses' from my fair lady Sound of Music (thanks Tulip) ):

There are things to be written,
And stuff for submission
Workshops to plan
Filing taxes to the 'man'
Workshops that scare every fiber of my being....
These are a few of my busiest things...

There are methods to master
Readings come faster and faster
Packing and moving
and much home-improving,
Coping with what the end of semester will bring...
These are a few of my busiest things!

When I'm laaaazy, feeling craaaazy or just a little relaxed...
Please simply remind me of my busiest things.... and then I won't feel sooo glad....

In other words I will finally live up to my identity as a graduate student and work like a dog!

So from now until mid June, I fear blogging will be infrequent, sporadic, of poor quality and frequently of a whiny nature. Bear with me my readers (yes all 8 of you) and I will make it up to you...

That song (I was singing it as I wrote) made me feel a lot better so I'm going to go to bed now- I'll keep the lights on but at least I will try to go to sleep...good night all!

Reason No. 23652: interfaith baking contest

One of the many reasons I think John Mayer is cool is that he has sustained a direct and 'unmanaged' relationship with his fans despite having exploded onto the mainstream. Despite his rapid success etc. there is something genuine and unpackaged about how he comes across...

Exhibit A: For the past few weeks Mayer has been really into baking. Over the past few weeks, his blog has been taken over by all things baking....the famous obama cake, his families cakes, fan submissions and even more fan submissions (some of which are just stunning in design and concept), his live baking posts etc. That's cool in itself.

Then came the 'interfaith baking contest'. The idea was simple- send in a picture of your holiday baking. JM will then pick his favorite and the winner gets a John Mayer autographed signature series fender stratocaster, which even I with zero knowledge of guitars can tell you is a pretty sweet prize. Contest closes on the 22nd btw

The response has been really cool. JM sites and boards are full of earnest discussions about fondant and frosting and just where to get the perfect cupcake stands instead of gossip about Anniston., the email account for submissions is constantly full etc. It has been a lot of fun to follow. And to take part in!

Very early on I decided to enter the contest but I've never really baked anything! Slight problem! I had an idea but no skills, scant equipment and little courage...So I sent a message to 7 of my best friends (about whom I have a long- overdue post coming soon). I didn't really expect much of a response- it was the end of semester, people had stuff to do, places to go, parties to plan... but lo and behold a week later we found ourselves at tulip's house, baking away.

I present to you the following pictures along with an extract of the email I sent:

Title/Concept: 'The (cupcake) world as we would like it to be' (cupcakes for peace)

(Basically we took the 'interfaith' part of your contest seriously and decided to make the most inclusive, all encompassing, interfaith bunch of cupcakes we could think of). You'll see the major religious symbols sure, but also cupcakes for atheism (the white one), agnosticism (the question mark), darwinism (the jesus fish with feet), pro-gay rights (the rainbow) and even one called enlightenment (can you guess which one?).

Medium: cake mix, frosting, sprinkles, silver and other balls, icing (baking is a lot easier than I thought!!)

Having seen the really brilliant works of art submitted by fans (seriously check them out), I don't think our 'cupcakes for peace' are going to make the cut. So I may not win the fender or john mayer's heart....

But that's not even the point. I have something way more valuable....7 of the best friends anybody could ever hope for.

To my gang: thank you guys for coming in the middle of a snow storm, despite busy schedules in a crazy weekend to help me bake. It was such a lovely afternoon! I'll always remember tulip's expert baking, lotus teasing me about my 'multi-culturalism' cupcake which she thought (incorrectly) looks like nothing, bluebell's intricate evil eye and heather's irreverent atheist and darwin fish designs... Saffron's meticulous, professional looking cakes and violet's painstaking beautiful rainbow...We played with tulip's beautiful baby, devoured our cupcakes and photographed them lovingly, while laughing and chatting about life...

So with those lovely memories, I close the book on my involvement in the great interfaith baking contest of 2008. Thanks to my wonderful friends, also for my sister's and mom's sage advice about concepts and flavors from thousands of miles away, thanks to all the people that ate our cupcakes (the downside to baking 24 cupcakes is that you're left with 24 cupcakes) and of course to a certain musician for being the impetus for it all....if Mayer's aim was to foster a communal holiday spirit, I can say from our experience - mission accomplished!

I'll close with some of my fav cupcakes-( I also loved the rainbow, the atheism and evil eye but they got eaten before I could take pictures...)

I call this 'enlightenment'



This one I call 'Will I find love? Only with divine intervention' (Or something to that effect)



The Darwin Fish



And this one by saffron sums it all up...Just perfect.

Ambition

Sitting in the library today, I realized that the depth of my ambition is to one day have a book (all of my own) that nestles dustily on some forgotten shelf on the 5th floor of a quiet library...
That, and to get a job.

The view from my window

"Don't know whether to laugh or cry" moment

This is a conversation I had a couple of days with an ex-student of mine. She's always struck me as earnest, opinionated and very, very liberal from almost everything she said in class and outside. She's almost a stereotype in the stuff white people like mold- vaguely hippyish, vegan, back packing through Chile, artistic type who loudly denounces men, marriage, meat, Western hegemony and walmart all in one go...in other words the perfect person to have a friendly political rant with the day after the Palin speech...

Or so I thought...

The conversation made me long for a large white flag and a pole from which to wave it.

(With a little poetic license)

Me: (brightly and slightly conspiratorially) "Have you been following the political news lately?"

Student: (eagerly) "Yes, I'm sooo excited about it all"

Me: (Feeling happy about evidence of political activism in the youth) "Cool, what parts?"

Student: "Well, I think it's awesome that we have a woman running for VP. She's going to be awesome."

Me: (back peddling in my mind) "Hmmm? Interesting....so, do you find her views on the issues convincing? What things do you like about her?"

Student: "It's just really important to have women- they would change stuff, and make things better.."

Me: "Hmm....So what kind of stuff do you think she will change?"

Student: "She's going to make things.... better and she'll be great for women's rights"

Me: ('polite' voice) "Umm....Ok... Well, you do know that she's very pro-Iraq war, pro-gun, anti global warming as a concept, pro-life, anti-gay rights etc. right?"

Student: "Yeah, that's true but she's a woman and I think that's cool. We really need that right now."

Me: (smiling tightly): "Interesting....well, it's going to be.....interesting"

And then I slunk away....

It's working! Oh god, it's working!

Now I'd like to think I'm sufficiently open minded not to judge people for their political views. Some of my brightest students have been conservative in intelligent and thought provoking ways. But this is just not very smart, is it?

It bothers me that I did not try to gently disabuse her of those notions- but its hard to do without sounding condescending, patronizing and rude. No wonder the dems are bafflingly polite in the face of blatant lies.

Another day, another reminder of the 'jackass problem' in democracies, as a professor once eloquently put it.

My walk to school

This is the walk I take everyday to and from school. 

Yes, it is through a cemetery but this cemetery has revised my opinions on what they're all about. While I would definitely not walk through here at night (more because of the alive people than dead ones), it is actually a very peaceful experience to stroll there listening to my pod-casts, look at all the old names, hear the rustling leaves and watch the long, cool shadows. 

It's one of  my favorite parts of the day.

I took these pictures yesterday. There is a little nip in the air now- another summer is coming to its close. Fall is brief but glorious in upstate NY and I can't wait for how beautiful the trees are going to look in just a few weeks. Then the winter will come and it will be

 difficult to negotiate the icy, snowy slopes but beautiful in its own way. I'll post more pictures then. But for now...the serene, rolling greens are lovely. Here are a few pictures of my walk....

Above, buildings on comstock ave which runs along one side 

of the cemetery.

I love the old mausoleums dotting the cemetery- some are really spectacular- like mini castles, with graceful turrets and detailing- but you have to go deep into the cemetary for that. Not advisable alone in the evening, when these pictures were taken... 

Here's another mausoleum- I wonder if it has just one person or a family?

My favorite gravestone is the one that looks like a mini-amphi-theatre...I always smile at it as I wander by. 

It's not Chrissy Field (which I will blog about some other day) but for upstate NY, it will do just fine. 

Today I made Khichuri- a dish I normally detest. It's something I've always associated with being sick, or being lazy - just a hodge podge- in fact I'm pretty sure that's what a hodge podge is- of a dish. 

But it's been years since I ate it and since I am running perilously low on groceries I decided to try it out. And lo and behold, I was transported to another time, like smells and food will tend to do. 

Suddenly, I was reminded of my grandmother who used to make the dish with fired eggplants and potatoes and the most delicous tomato chutney. I saw clearly the small round cane dining table we used to eat at, with the sound of crickets and cricket in the background. My grandfather urging us to eat more of those side dishes, looking forward to mangoes.

Funny, how nostalgic something I so dislike made me. It was great. 

San Francisco Delights: Green Apple

One of my favorite places in the world is the Green Apple bookstore in San Francisco. 

I've been to a lot of great book stores- Strand comes to mind as do the old second hand places in Delhi and Ithaca but nothing compares to Green Apple. And this is in a city with places like 'City Lights Bookstore' where Howl was first published. 

So why do I love Green Apple? Well, first, location. Green Apple is on Clement street, one of my favorite streets in the world...so it figures. It's lovely to come upon the old wooden bins under the big green awning amidst the smells and sights of Clement. Dim Sum in small hole's in the wall, enticing smells of thai food wafting up the street, chinese grocery stores spilling on to the pavement and cozy coffee shops..and then suddenly, good old Green Apple. It looks deceptively small but then you go in to the main store and there are rows upon rows of books, stacked high. Many of them are used and thus affordable, which is the icing on an already delicious cake. But that's not what makes this place charming-  it's in the little things: hand written signs ("Don't call it Frisco" for the section containing San Francisco books or "Books that will never be on Oprah"), the insightful hand written reviews of books by staff, the green apple people who  know exactly what book you're talking about and will have an intelligent opinion on it, creaky wooden steps polished by the steps of many book lovers over the years. No one seems to be in a hurry at Green apple...you just wander off the street, browse, maybe even read a whole book standing there and then you can walk right out without buying a thing and no one cares. 

I've spent many a foggy evening in Green Apple full of dim sum or green tea icecream, browsing through the books, reading entire chapters there, smiling at the conversation around me. I've bought some of my favorite books there and sold some not so fabulous ones for store credit (wheee!). I've discovered strange networks with the friendly people behind the register who on more than one occasion told me where to get the book I was about to buy cheaper in another section. I was one of the first people in line the day they opened their warehouse section, I've found great reads in the 'free for all bins', I've listened to the always eclectic (sometimes scary) music in the annexe, I've taken countless identical pictures of friends in front of the elf...I've loved every moment. 

When friends came to San Francisco, showing them Green Apple was right up there with the Golden Gate and Chinatown...and everyone felt the magic. 

My parents leave SF tomorrow and so I won't have a home there anymore. There are so many things I'll miss about my favorite city but walking to green apple on a foggy afternoon and whiling away hours there will be one of my favorite memories.  I'll be back soon Green Apple...stay cool.